TV Guide, 2007

The other day I heard a loud bang on my front door and I quickly ran over to see what it was. There, lying on the ground and surrounded by a thick mist, I spied a T.V. Guide. I picked it up, but it was so hot I nearly dropped it again. This seemed a little strange, because I don't subscribe to T.V. Guide. Then I came to realize, this was no ordinary T.V. Guide..........IT HAD A COUPON FOR A FREE SWANSON TV DINNER!!! Oh, and it was from the future.....

“T.V .Guide, 2007”

By

Jerry Cumberledge

Program Listings for Tuesday February 4th, 2007:

9:00 ............3........ ...The Oval Office—Reality The President goes for a jog, gets a haircut and allows cameras into his top secret homeland security briefing.

10:30 ........PBS......... Sesame Street, Cleveland—Reality A recovering heroin addict from the nearby methadone clinic shows up on Sesame Street.

11:00 .........10 ...........Friends—Reality Series Premiere; Show documents the lives of three Quakers in a rural town in Pennsylvania.

12:00......... 3 ............A Cat’s Life—Reality Smuckers the kitten wakes up, uses the litterbox, eats breakfast, and goes back to sleep.

1:00......... LIF...........Lesbian Thespian—Reality Host Rosie O’Donnell faces her toughest lesbian actress make-over yet: changing a hard-core high school lesbian into the perfect Juliet for her school play, kissing Romeo included.

1:30........TWC .........Weather Patterns—Reality Televises real weather conditions in major U.S. cities.

2:00 ..........6 .............Fraud for Financing—Reality The Burn Team helps a young couple torch their home for the insurance money.

2:30........TLC............Good Buy for the Jew Guy—Reality David gets an excellent deal on auto parts and Joseph haggles down the price of a head of lettuce at the grocery store.

3:00........FOX............Man vs Beast 16—Reality Men and animals compete again in this latest installment of the popular show. A team of four midgets attempts to wrestle a bear to the ground, a grossly obese man tries to consume more watermelon than an infant elephant, and a lactating mother tries to out-milk a fully mature cow.

4:00 ......MTV ............The Real World: Fargo—Reality The teens set out to find the Fargo night life and end up lost and frightened in a cornfield. Mike and Miranda have a heated argument in their dark bedroom, and Chad has a major crisis when his cockeyed baseball cap falls off of his head and he has to once again position the brim at a perfect 136 angle to his brow.

4:30..........6................Jeopardy: Community College Tournament—Reality Community college students face daunting new categories such as basket weaving, astronomy, and sociology.

5:00.......FOX..............Fear Factor: Extreme—Reality The contestants endure lying in a coffin filled with scorpions and radioactive black mambas, while simultaneously being injected with live anthrax cultures.

6:00.........3.................American Divorce—Reality John and Sarah Lenux decide to break their wedding vows amidst protests from their children. The proceedings get hairy when the legality of the prenuptial agreement comes into question.

7:00.........6.................Gladiators—Reality Inmates from Muncy State Correctional Facility are armed with rudimentary weapons and must battle carnivorous animals to-the-death.

8:00........10................Reality Teepee—Reality Running crow gets angry when Flying Cougar throws a tomahawk through the wickiup, and Eating Bear loses his quipu in the sacred kiva.

8:30.......HBO.............Sex in the City—Reality Pigeons, cockroaches and rats having relations.

9:00..........3...............Hard-Knock Life—Reality The transients try to steal a car.

9:30.........10..............The Viewing Public—Reality Series Premiere; The first reality shows to broadcast reactions of TV viewers to other reality shows.

10:00.......10..............Survivor: Nuclear Winter Edition—Reality The United States and Russia attack each other with nuclear warheads; two tribes, Little Boy and Fat Man, try to survive the post-apocalyptic carnage.


11:00 .......3...............No scheduled programming
12:00........6...............No scheduled programming
1:00........10...............No scheduled programming
2:00.......FOX.............No scheduled programming
3:00.......MTV............No scheduled programming
4:00.......CNN............No scheduled programming
5:00.......TWC...........No scheduled programming