The House Ten

It's HOT! And not just the burner that I set my hand down on a second ago. The temperature is, too. Heat wave after heat wave has plagued my hometown this summer. And what is the best way to cool down, aside from sitting in a meat locker? Why, going to the pool is, of course!

Top Ten Reasons Why To Go To the Public Swimming Pool:

10. You've found that chlorine does help with that rash of yours.
9. You like your life being guarded by a teenager getting paid minimum wage.
8. To test your new "Swim-Ready" hairpiece.
7. You've finally gotten over your irrational fear of childrens' arm floaties.
6. Cannonballs into your jacuzzi are less than impressive.
5. It's the one place where you can really show off your well-groomed backhair.
4. You like dropping change and pretending it's "lost pirate booty".
3. You're the inventor of Marco Polo and you want royalties, dammit!
2. They don't allow horseplay....and you hate horseplay.
1. The high dive has something to do with marijuana, right?